Job Interviews. what fun. deadpan.
The whole floor was armed with security personnel that it actually looked like another Trillianes attempt of coup’d e tat. I thought, wow, OA, what’s with all the fuss. There were a lot of identification processes I had to go through, security was all over me, that it actually took me quite a while before I could have my tired, sorry ass kiss their elegant veneer.
The HR informed me immediately that I was late but she could still accommodate me in the first batch of applicants to take the exam. When she opened the door of the “testing room,” my mouth almost dropped open as I saw the room filled with corporate asses. I guess I underestimated the number of desperate Filipinos. Great. So much for NO COMPETITION.
The HR assistant announced twirling her tongue with the American twang that her nose were almost flaring, that we’d just have to wait for the Testing guy. And this is the part where I had the itch to grab a pen and paper to jot down all the details my vigilant eyes and painstaking ears could get a hold of. Aahh…blog-material…
As soon as she left the room, applicants started the “bragging marathon.” One particular girl, who reminded me of Kiray-gone-wrong only with a much refined skin that’s most probably drenched in centralized air conditioning for the past 23 years of her bratty life said, OH GOSH THIS PLACE IS SOooo POSH THAT I REALLY THOUGHT I NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE TODAY, MY GOSH! (sunggo!!!!). She said that in so-American accent and so loud that I actually memorized the exact words. And the haughty gay sidekick of hers added, I KNOW GIRL, THIS PLACE IS SOOooo CHIC. Then the girl beside me tagged my coat and asked me, ARE YOU ALSO LASALLISTA?? I said, HINDI. The moment I said that one tagalog word, the people sitting beside me gawked at me like I live in the slums and they live in Beverly Hills. Another girl asked me if I have any work experience, I said FIRST TIME KO, PATI MAG-APPLY. She gave me this concern, semi-empathic semi-plastic smile and said, OH NO, THAT’S TOUGH! GOODLUCK GIRL. I wondered, do I really look dumb? My childhood friend told me so, once.
The bragging continued. A girl wanted to impress this girl with a British twang; a guy kept fidgiting with his iPhone and looking around just to make sure we can see his iPhone; another girl said she just got from Singapore and was buying a Louis Vuitton when she received a call from the HR department “begging” her to take this exam; I also heard a guy with the funny teeth and konyo accent telling a story about his conquest for academic excellence to another guy who looks like a sore loser had it not been for his neck tie; a girl in a well-ironed coat’s stating she’s from Ateneo and a Dean’s lister and all that scholarly crap; and there’s these two silahis guy immersed in a very political conversation or was it about 69, i’m not sure.
And me? I was playing bastonera with my pen. Heck, they won’t even know what bastonera means. Five minutes had gone by, the proctor was still not around so I decided to have a little chat with this super nerd-looking guy sitting behind me who seemed to be the only one not immersed with the whole “battle of the brains” shtick. He’s a little bit Frankensteinish, what great entertainment. He flashed me an awkward smile the moment I faced him and I felt glad when he spoke to me in native tongue. ANG LAMIG ANO? BRRRRR. I said, OO NGA E. DAPAT MAY LIBRENG JACKET DITO TULAD NUNG PINAPAMIGAY SA WOWOWEE PAG MAY NILALAMIG NA AUDIENCE. He laughed with this horrid snort but at least he’s humble enough to not pretend he doesn’t know what Wowowee is. And he whispered to me, PARANG ANG TATALINO NILA ANO? NAKAKA-INTIMIDATE NAMAN. I said, KINAKABAHAN LANG MGA YAN KAYA SA SOBRANG TARANTA, UMINGLES. TIGNAN MO, ANLALAKI NA NG MGA ILONG. We laughed in chorus, snorted in chorus. Our self-righteous, genius-looking seatmates in high-end suits, stared at us like we were the official UNDERDOGS of that room. Pffft. All of a sudden, I started thinking what made Weng hate Makati.
The guy with the test papers finally arrived and apologized for the delay. He said it’s gonna be a challenging exam mostly comprised of grammar and vocabulary, conceptualizing and analytical problem solving. Everybody looked confident and all knowing, just as what I expected. Heads were soaring around the room and complacently held high. They almost reached the ceiling. As for me, I wished myself goodluck before plunging in the sheets of paper piled before me and I almost, ALMOST did the sign of the cross.
After an hour, the papers were collected. The exam was fairly difficult to the extent that the smoggy smugness in the room surprisingly evaporated. No more chins up, no more straight backs and military postures. Hello worried faces and slouchy backs! Ha! I didn’t know it will only take a few sheets of paper to wipe off their shits. Meanwhile, we were asked to stay in the igloo while he checks our paper! Man, my hands were freezing, my lips were turning blue, my stomach’s empty and who knows if I passed or not. I’m tellin’ ya, it was worse than the Chinese Water-drip Tecnhique.
When the testing guy went back, he called out a name, another name, and MY NAME. He asked us to stand up. And there was me, the Frankensteinish nerd guy and another guy in torn jeans and long hair who seemed lost and wondering what’s he doing in Makati. I saw the arrogant faces of those who remain seated lit up and they cheered quietly probably thinking that the three of us were eliminated and good to go. The testing guy led the three of us out the room. I was thinking, sheesh so much for going corporate. But as we were approaching the door, I heard the testing assistant informing the people left on their seats, PLEASE GATHER YOUR THINGS AND PREPARE TO LEAVE BECAUSE YOU DID NOT PASS THE EXAM. YOU MAY RE-APPLY AFTER 6 MONTHS.
Mwahahahahahah!!!
The three of us had these annoying, mocking grins on our oily faces. We waved buh-bye to them. I couldn’t believe there were only three of us who passed the exam in that room full of smart-asses. I thought, wow. Thank God I’m stuck with the nerd and the dirty. My kinda boys. Haha!
NEED GREED NEED GREED
Malls are fuckin’ depressing. all these goddamn people walking around like disembodied souls. LOOK at their faces and all you see is NEED. Poor and rich, young and old. Pesos changing hands cash register ringing: NEED GREED NEED NEED GREED NEED GREED.
one fucking erect penis cathedral of WANT.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)TELEBISYO
Papanatilihing kalmado,
konsentrado
sa isang regular na pwesto,
ikadena ang utak sa screen
habang lumalaklak ng matador o gin.
Silaban na rin ang baga,
butasin ang bituka,
isuka ang atay at balun-balunan,
i-kyenta ang makina ng puso
sabay sipa sa silinyador.
Sisantehen sa pwesto ang utak.
Sabog sa teleserye
lango sa malas-swerte
basag sa salita
tigas titi kay Kristine, Iwa, Marianne at Ehra.
Pilosopiya ni Boy Abunda.
Ginintuang puso ni Willie.
Karunungan ni Tito, Vic & Joey.
Sige lang,
laklak, hithit, turok, saksak.
Wala ka ng hahanapin pa.
Tutok na.
Xmas and stuff
I don’t know but i’m smelling something pleasant this coming christmas. I mean PLEASANT, as in positive, “spirit of christmas” feeling and that, I don’t want to have ruined. Because not always do I have this un-cynical, throbbing gut for something that I actually look forward to. See, I always find fault in every “good” I encounter, that’s a virus I acquired that infected me ever since I can’t remember and nothing seems to cure it. Not even love, not even a blooming love life and especially not Christmas that I once deemed out of stupor was a capitalistic scheme fashioned by Hallmark corporation.
Sometimes, when friends introduce me to someone, I always have motors running and grinding in my head that creates theories and formulate judgment within the few seconds we shake hands or say “hi.” If friends tell me I’m too judgmental, I always smirk and shrug and say, YOU’LL SEE. And i’m glad I’m right most of the time. It’s like I have this radar that tells me who’s faking it and who’s sincere and who’s up to no good.
So anyway, if you ask me, what’s giving me this vibrant, positive feeling for Christmas 2008? I actually cannot give you a specific answer. I just feel good about it and that’s worth writing down since I don’t get too chummy and cheesy about celebrations and occasions and stuff.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Rebel without a clue: Rage (from inquirer.net) PLS READ
By Patricia Evangelista
Philippine Daily Inquirer
THIS is the story of one Raymond Manalo, farmer, who disappeared on Feb. 14, 2006 with his older brother from their farm in San Ildefonso, Bulacan. Manalo was neither activist nor rebel when he disappeared. He escaped more than two years later. He says there are many, many more like him.
* * *
They put you in a cage four feet by one foot small, the height of an average man. There are hollow blocks to the side and iron grills in front. You sit with three other men, crouched in a line. There is no other way to fit.
Your brother is in the same cell. The door opens, more of them come in. More of them like you—beaten, bruised, helpless. They are put inside the next cell. This time there are two men and a married couple. The woman has burns all over her body. She was raped, they tell you. She was raped and beaten until she soiled herself. They say she has gone mad. They take her away.
This is where you shit, where you piss, where you wash if you still care. You do not feel the wind; you do not see the sun. Your food comes rarely, and what comes is rotten, leftover pig feed. Three men arrive, from Nueva Ecija. They are tortured. One of them has both arms broken. Bleeding.
Sometimes, when the soldiers are drinking, they take you out of your cage and play with you. The game varies, but it is usually the same. Two by fours, chains, an open gardening hose shoved down your nose. You crawl back to your cage, on your hands and knees. You wake up to screaming, to the sound of grown men begging, and you wonder which one it is this time. Sometimes, one of your cellmates will disappear. Sometimes, they don’t come back.
Then they take you away, and there is a doctor, pills, antibiotics, a bed. They tell you they are taking you home to see your parents. You meet the man they call The Butcher, and he tells you to tell your parents not to join the rallies, to stay away from human rights groups, that they would ruin your life and your brother’s. He tells you, this small man in shorts, that if you can only prove you’re on his side now, he would let you and your brother live. He gives you a box of vitamins, and tells you that they are expensive: P35 per pill.
They put a chain around your waist. The military surround your farm. Your mother opens the front door crying, and hugs you. You tell them what you were told to say. You hand them the money Palparan told you to give. Then you are told you must go.
Always, you keep thinking of escape. You make yourself useful, to make them trust you. You cook. You wash cars. You clean. You shop. No task is too menial. And one day, while you sweep the floor, you see a young woman, chained to the foot of a bed. Her name is Sherlyn Cadapan, she tells you, Sports Science, University of the Philippines Diliman, the same Sherlyn who disappeared from Hagonoy, Bulacan on June 26, 2006. She says she has been raped.
Later, you meet Karen Empeño, also from UP, and Manuel Merino, the farmer who rushed to save the two girls when they were abducted. Karen and Sherlyn are in charge of washing the soldiers’ clothes, you and Manuel and your brother Reynaldo wash the car and carry water and cook.
The five of you are taken from camp to camp. You see the soldiers stealing from villagers. You see them bringing in blindfolded captives. You see them digging graves. You see them burning bodies, pouring gasoline as the fire rose. You see them shoot old men sitting on carabaos and see them push bodies into ravines. And in April 2007, you hear a woman begging, and when you are ordered to fix dinner, you see Sherlyn, lying naked on a chair that had fallen on the floor, both wrists and one tied leg propped up.
You see them hit her with wooden planks, see her electrocuted, beaten, half-drowned. You see them amuse themselves with her body, poke sticks into her vagina, shove a water hose into her nose and mouth. And you see the soldiers wives’ watch. You hear the soldiers forcing Sherlyn to admit who it was with plans to “write a letter.” You hear her admit, after intense torture, that it was Karen’s idea. And you see Karen, dragged out of her cell, tied at the wrists and ankles, stripped of her clothing, then beaten, water-tortured, and burned with cigarettes and raped with pieces of wood. And it is you who are ordered to wash their clothes the next day, and who finds blood in their panties.
And you are there, on the night they take away Manuel Merino, when you hear an old man moaning, a gunshot and the red light of a sudden fire.
* * *
The day Raymond Manalo and his brother Reynaldo escaped was the day he promised himself they would pay, all of them who tortured Karen and Sherlyn, who killed so many, who tortured him and his brother until they begged and pleaded. They were pigs, he says, those men were pigs. If he escaped, they told him, and if they couldn’t find him, they would massacre his family. And if they do not answer to the courts here, they will answer to God.
They can still kill him, he says. But even if they do, it is too late. He’s told his story.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)HAWSHAW
ipakita mo mukha mo bago ka magsasa-satsat dyan.
kung may sasabihin ka, gamitin mo sarili mong profile. hindi ka na high school, mah men. at lalong hindi ka chix.
kung nasanay ka sa papuri ng mga tao, patayin mo na lahat ng nakapalibot sayo kasi mga sinungaling pala sila.
kung ikaw ang epitomy ng cool, aba, wala na nga talagang pag-asa ang pilipinas. maghurugot na kita.
and if not liking you would make me a crab, ok, CRAB AKO. my pleasure. ako na ang pinaka masayang crab.
haha!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)I’M SICK OF NOT HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE AN ABSOLUTE NOBODY.
a dialogue i really love between Franny and Lane in JD Salinger’s book “Franny and Zooey”
Franny: All i know is i’m losing my mind, i’m just sick of ego, ego, ego. my own and everybody else’s. i’m sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. it’s disgusting! it is, it is. i don’t care what anybody says.
Lane: you sure you’re just not afraid of competing? i dont know too much about it, but i’d lay odds a good psychoanalyst - i mean a really competent one - would probably take that statement…
Franny: i’m not afraid to compete. it’s just the opposite. dont you see that? i’m afraid i will compete - that’s what scares me. that’s why i quit the Theater department. just because i’m so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else’s values, and just because i like applause and people to rave about me, doesnt make it right. i’m ashamed of it. i’m sick of it. I’M SICK OF NOT HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE AN ABSOLUTE NOBODY. i’m sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash.
** oh yes, i’m sick of people trying to prove something to everybody. Trying to become something big or be different and sound brilliant and be crazy and be beautiful and all that pretentions. And i mostly hate myself for being one at times.
Uncategorized | Comments (2)miss trying hard to sound smart
just so you know, your perkiness and “i so luv the world, let’s hug each other!” perception is not a sign of optimism, it otherwise implies lack of understanding and stupidity. gosh, you are so dense. you and your petite knowledge. haha! but let me credit and acknowledge you for being the smartest in the bunch. wehehe, arog talaga kayan pag patal mga kaibahan pirmi, mejo nahahawa. gayun, stand out.
and it’s so tacky of you to mistake my outspokenness with bitterness and scorn. oh well, but at least it proves how much of an avid fan you are of my blog. wow. i’m flattered. but next time, be brave enough to post your comment here in my blog. not in your shoutout. girl, i’m too smart for your petite schemes. nyah! hehehe.
boohoo =P
Uncategorized | Comment (0)ano na tayo, tita
Lately, I’ve been having this fleeting tour in what was. Clinging to the good ol’ times is like plunging my whole body in warm water where it thaws whatever stiffness I feel. But it can get very frustrating, TO THE MAX, because I know they will all be JUST memories no matter how you convince me that I can use it to my advantage, to back me up in my future endeavors and all that crap. There are nostalgic seconds in my boring life that I’d wish time traveling’s possible.
Ateneo de Naga is becoming crappier and crappier. This is your most cheerful neighbor talking here.
No more are the days that you’ll see Xavier hall jam-packed with people NOT wearing white, super clean Nursing uniforms that are either taking pictures of themselves in their grandioso celfones, applying Gatsby gels or studying for some bookish exams. When I was a freshman, the said hall is NOISY to the real sense of the word as people flock together over crazy jokes, stupid pranks and street-smart debates. Fair-skinned asses and head-turner fashionitas were being bombarded with maniacal stares while groups horde together in Batibot, pillars, canteen, parking lot, Phelan walks or just sitting around the grass like they’re up to no good. I remember the right side of Xavier hall was occupied with the KOMBO KIDS, slacking off, sitting around like there are no class schedules to be followed. And these things amaze me. And it’s sad that nowadays, Xavier hall or pillars or Phelan walks are empty most of the times because students prefer staying outside the gates of Ateneo where they reckon they can be coolah. Before, guards chase down students just to let them out the gate past 9pm as to follow the curfew. But presently, 7pm inside the university ground is like 12 midnight in your barrio. Kulang na lang kuliglig.
No more rallies, students arguing with teachers and admin, no more controversial Pillars issues, no more CR bombings, no more parking lot yugyug-kotse issues, and no more smoking areas! Hello emo na today. Fuck! Emo shit is all around the campus. You’ll see rocker wannabes wearing sideways hairstyles and eyeliners like their eyes are bleeding black and skin tight jeans na hapit sa bayag for rakista guys. Girls naman are either sooooooooooooooo kikay na tangina nakakasilaw because of blingblings popularized by Mariel Rodriguez and the likes, or they are artsy fartsy pa-geeky/photographer/dark/goth asses man daa. Avril Lavigne suddenly rocks their punk world and Evanescence is supposed to creep you out with gothness. Gosh. And everywhere you glance, there are guys carrying guitar suitcases or sporting rakers aura that are so Cueshit if you ask me. Bands sound like Spongecola rip offs and 6Cyclemind for God’s sake! Watching them is so embarrassing, I swear. It’s like, WHAT’S HAPPENING, MAN? Everybody’s so pretentious that they change even the spelling of their names to extract a cooler vibe. Naks. Like from Kim to Kheem, Eka to Khakeshi, Patricia to Trixha, Samantha to Zham, etc etc. H is indeed in demand nowadays, I must say.
Worse, the library is empty as your average Atenean’s brain. I swear, they only go there to have their Economics or Filipino textbook photocopied or when exam week’s just around the bend. The sound of your footsteps would echo through the whole place coz it’s as empty and bland as a dungeon. Mahirap na tuloy magpuslit ng libro sa bag, hehehehe. Plus! The admin is so strict na with uniforms as if not wearing them would refute you of your “Atenean knowledge” harhar. Guards and OSA exaggerate over uniform and ID policies and dress codes na kulang na lang magbaradilan pag nagpirit ka maglaog.
Worse, SIGWA people are so pop. I swear. You, SIGWA people of the new generation, should’ve witnessed the Elmeramos-BobbyAlmeda-and yung before pa (?) days. They have these confrontational yet lax ways of provoking students and keeping them on their toes and be nosy and be aware of every university issues, chismis and stuff. SSG had fun school activities before pero ngonyan??? Kornihon! That only eager bali-balion-to-college-life freshmen and loser seniors participate on them. Baduyun and Intrams, Pintakasi, mayo ng Orgs week, mayo ng sound trek or tugtugan, barandahan sa laog ning Ateneo. The gymnasium is starting to stink because it’s starting to rot, bored naman sa buhay nya. Ang Pillars publication?? NO COMMENT na lang akez. Sometimes, trying so hard to sound tibak. And sometimes, writers are so Jessica Zafra-sarcastic copycat. And here’s the worse part, there are so many arrogant intellectuals walking around the campus not knowing that they are only smart because of their books their mommies paid for. Ang philo class tinuturugan na lang. No more stubborn heads na dai nagpapadaog sa tukdo ning philo prof na dawa sarala basta with conviction, payt! Ngonyan? BURAY. Puro pacute. Puro conscious. The konyos are not even konyotiks but self-acclaimed brats and bitches and wheels-adik man daa. But come one, if you’re so effing konyo, tanu ka nasa Naga???
Insert Duke’s bulletin post: “nakakatawang isipin na ang dami-daming sumisigaw ng kung anu-anong bagay na nakakabit sa pakikibaka samantalang ang mismong kilusan nila ang dapat na palayain.
may konyo, nagdudunong-dunongan, mapagpanggap, at plastik na mga tibak sa inyong mga pagkilos. at pwede ba, tingnan nyo muna ang inyong sarili bago nyo pagmumurahin ang dwendeng demonyo dyan sa palasyo malakanyang!”
People around the campus are like being classified na according to what they appear to be. Basta DL, matali daa. Basta tambay, patal daa. Basta banda, rakenrol man daa. Basta kikay, no brains daa. Etc etc.
In short, pop culture is gradually creeping into everybody’s head and brainwashing young minds not to reinvent themselves and explore and experiment and improve whatever’s to be improved. Spoon feeding. Yan ang ginagawa ng media sa utak ng mga tao ngayon. They occupy everybody’s brain to drain all the good juices out of it. Wala na silang tinitirang espasyo sa utak ng tao para mag-isip, mag analyze, mamili. They leave us no choice. Kaya naman people are scared to turn their backs on whatever’s popular or in, afraid of rejection, takot sa hindi familiar. People fear the unknown nga talaga siguro.
Puro Freedom of speech and sigaw, pero wala namang freedom of thought. Sabi nga ni pareng Kierkegaard, “People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.”
Know it all ba ako kamo? Sori man pero I just happen to experience the good ol’ days, good ol’ trip and good ol’ muzak.
Rakenrawl.
Uncategorized | Comments (2)NO Fear
Ang maging No Fear ay walang kwenta. Kamo, ito pa nga ay halos pagiging zombie, pagkakaron ng deficiency. Ngayon ang dapat naisin ay ang pagkaramdam ng takot at sa kabila ng takot na ito ay diretso pa ring sumuong. Yan ang tunay na pagiging matapang. Ang malaman na ang odds ay against you pero sumige pa rin. Ang tapang na ito ay equal sa takot na naramdaman ngunit dinefy.
Bow.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)