THE PLAYGROUND IS PRETTY AT TWILIGHT
Weird. I thought I quickly scrambled all my “writing gear” intact and nice, and nearly stumbled on my chaos-wreck room because it’s a fucking urgent to cast down my doom. But after scratching this puking blue point pen, my brain washed out all the words left on my rusty storage section. Weird. I thought there was a good topic I wanted to splurge on.
Anyway, I’m 21. Life has been treating me well most of my existence. So what am I blabbering about??? LIFE…..
I often wonder what might turn out if I’ll put certain persons on my shoe. Would my life snap them into mad dogs or rocks among the lane? Coz believe me I’m neither of the two choices though somewhat a little bit in between…(huh???)…
Here’s a checklist that jolts me to realization when I am spacing out.
*Boredom can drive me insane, check.
*Rush hours can bake me into a muffin, check.
*And laidback cuties can cream my angst off, check.
*Discos got this cathartic effect on me, yes.
*Same as how books put me in a stupor, almost like a therapy, CHECK.
*I regress when I’m depressed so I tend to sulk in my mom’s room where I find temporary solace but I hastily gain weight, CHECK.
*I have separation anxiety so it’s a major dilemma to me when a person close to my heart leaves all of a sudden or betrays me, SUPER CHECK.
*I love the rain, YES.
*I really know how to read palms, but I need to consult my palmistry book from time to time, CHECK.
*Psychedelic is the best word to describe my aura, CHECK.
*I have my nails at the top of my weekly priorities, CHECK.
*I am a BIATCH, ANYBODY CAN ATEST TO THAT, check.
*It’s a Love me or hate me option, it’s your choice and I won’t sweat it. Nobody can settle in between, CHECK.
*According to one of the psych faculties, I have an anti-social disorder and after reviewing the criteria, I believed her, CHECK.
*I can be so intellectual yet stupid all at the same time, CHECK.
*I am a grammar freak but I tend to be so careless with my own work and I criticize other’s work as if I am perfect, CHECK.
*I wish I can be as successful and accomplished as my sisters, OH CHECK.
*Nowadays, I want to shut the whole world off and just leave, go somewhere else and think things over, CHECK!
*I want an ipod so I can listen to it 24/7 and use it as an excuse to shut the whole world, CHECK.
*Right now? I’m sad, I’m hurting and I am depressed….CHECK.
But where do I side in? God, I envy those who know their Enneagram numbers. I swear I’m caught between numbers 2, 4, 7 and 8. Tricky.
To The Virgins, Make Much Of Time
by Robert Herrick
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today,
To-morrow will be a dying.
The glorius lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost just once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.
wide awake and dreaming
by: NIKITA (my childhood bestfriend)
April Showers
The sky cries
For the memory of you
And i dance…
A solitary figure
On the dark, deserted street
Under the streetlamp
Where we shared our last kiss
And i dance
Cold, alone and scared
Silver tears
Stream down my cheeks
As heaven weeps with me
And i dance
The rain catching in my hair
Soaking my soul
With regret, longing
And bittersweet sorrow
And i dance
A possesed marionette
Wet clothes
Clinging to my skin
Broken
As the pain seeps in
“last night i cried myself to sleep for the first time in my entire life. the reasons for why i cried, and there were a lot, felt horrible. and they still do. whenever my mind drifts to them… and now… i feel so empty and numb. and cold.
In some ways i guess i want to concur with most people and say that it rocked. but then i think about all the crap i had to deal with, and the waves of nothingness, and the ironies, and the lost friends, and that horrible feeling of being left behind and meaning nothing or next to nothing…and it just makes me want to retreat into my room and listen to sadness on my radio forever.”
** Ink Polaroid: Asleep She Is Most Beautiful
People are most interesting when they don’t know your looking. When nobody’s watching they let go of themselves. Their inhibitions melt away. And you’re left with the part of them that makes them real.
You’re the epitome of insane. Either you’re very smart, or you’re too damn stupid. The world is your playground, and everything — and everyone — in it is a toy for you to play with. People should be scared of you, but because you’re so affable, they aren’t. Tough for them.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Between the Stars and Waves
**songs that i’ve been desperately hooked with nowadays…not that i can relate to any of them. and also not that i am too defensive about it. but what the holy heck, they move me…
Thankyou
By: DIDO
My tea’s gone cold, I wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can’t see at all
And even if I could it’d all be grey, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there’ll be hell today, I’m late for work again
And even if I’m there, they’ll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad and
I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
Push the door, I’m home at last and I’m soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn’t have a clue
Because you’re near me and
I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life.
THE REMEDY by: Jason Mraz I saw fireworks from the freeway and behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I won’t worry my life away. I heard two men talking on the radio in a cross fire kind of new reality show the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I won’t worry my life away. When I fall in love I take my time the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I won’t worry my life away.
Cause you were born on the fourth of july, freedom ring
now something on the surface it stings
that something on the surface it kind of makes me nervous who says that you deserve this
and what kind of god would serve this? We will cure this dirty old disease
if you’ve got the poison I’ve got the remedy
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.
I won’t worry my life away.
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
they were counting down the days to stab the brother in the be right back after this
the unavoidable kiss, where the minty fresh death breath is sure to outlast his catastrophe
dance with me, because if you’ve got the poison, I’ve got the remedy
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.
I wo’nt worry my life away.
There’s no need to hurry when I’m making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I’m still gonna shine and I’ll tell you why
Because
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.
I won’t worry my life away.
I won’t and I won’t and I won’t
241 (My Favorite Song)by: Rico Blanco
I want to live forever
Inside the nights and days.
Wishing on a silver cloud,
Crawling across the moonbeams.
A summer night in heaven
Between the stars and waves.
Race across the old bonfire;
Trample on my heartbeat.
I wanted to turn you on
My favorite song.
Wanted to be near you
But somebody owns you now.
I love you with a fire,
Ablazing till times end
But what good is a heart
When it shudders to speak.
I guess it's too late now.
"I wanted to turn you on
My favorite song.
Wanted to be near you
But (of course) somebody owns you now.
(And) I tried to live somehow
Somebody owns you now" (Repeat 2x)
Somebody owns you now...
STITCHES AND BURNS
By: FRALIPOLIPI
People say that I'm a fool Well I don't know At least I found out what it takes to be strong I was dreaming all day long A drifting cloud With eyes wide open I would choose not to see
*Now I don't want to see you anymore Don't want to be the one to play your game Not even if you smile your sweetest smile Not even if you beg me darling please
Say good morning to the world I hope you like it take good care of all those things that we have I've been looking for a way for to long now seems like everything must come to an end
*repeat
Time after time nothing that I can do Knowing your ways and loving your ways But not getting through at all Day after day leaving the past behind Coming to terms with stitches and burns Learning to fly again
NEVER EVER
By: All saints
A few questions that I need to knowhow you could ever hurt me soI need to know what I've done wrongand how long it's been going onWas it that I never paid enough attention?Or did I not give enough affection? Not only will your answers keep me sane but I'll know never to make the same mistake againYou can tell me to my face or even on the phoneYou can write it in a letter, either way, I have to knowDid I never treat you right?Did I always start the fight?Either way, I'm going out of my mindall the answers to my questionsI have to find
My head's spinningBoy, I'm in a dazeI feel isolatedDon't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scourI will rubTo find peace of mindThe happy mind I once owned, yeah
Vexing vocabulary runs right through meThe alphabet runs right from A to ZConversations, hesitations in my mindYou got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazyI'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, noI'm just waiting'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so lowWhen you gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sadThe way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to findI've had to dig away to find my own peace of mindI've Never ever had my conscience to fightThe way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel righ
I'll keep searchingDeep within my soulFor all the answersDon't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at easeNeed to be.Free from pain - going insaneMy heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my headThe alphabet runs right from A to Z Conversations, hesitations in my mindYou got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrongI'm just waiting'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so lowWhen ya gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sadThe way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to findI've had to dig away to find my own peace of mindI've Never ever had my conscience to fightThe way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4
You can tell me to my face,You can tell me on the phone, Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe'Cause I really need to know
You can tell me to my faceYou can tell me on the phoneUh, You can write it in a letter, bab'Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter, babeYou can write it in a letter, babe
"I wanted to turn you on
My favorite song.
Wanted to be near you
But (of course) somebody owns you now.
(And) I tried to live somehow
Somebody owns you now" (Repeat 2x)
Somebody owns you now...
STITCHES AND BURNS
By: FRALIPOLIPI
People say that I'm a fool Well I don't know At least I found out what it takes to be strong I was dreaming all day long A drifting cloud With eyes wide open I would choose not to see
*Now I don't want to see you anymore Don't want to be the one to play your game Not even if you smile your sweetest smile Not even if you beg me darling please
Say good morning to the world I hope you like it take good care of all those things that we have I've been looking for a way for to long now seems like everything must come to an end
*repeat
Time after time nothing that I can do Knowing your ways and loving your ways But not getting through at all Day after day leaving the past behind Coming to terms with stitches and burns Learning to fly again
NEVER EVER
By: All saints
A few questions that I need to knowhow you could ever hurt me soI need to know what I've done wrongand how long it's been going onWas it that I never paid enough attention?Or did I not give enough affection? Not only will your answers keep me sane but I'll know never to make the same mistake againYou can tell me to my face or even on the phoneYou can write it in a letter, either way, I have to knowDid I never treat you right?Did I always start the fight?Either way, I'm going out of my mindall the answers to my questionsI have to find
My head's spinningBoy, I'm in a dazeI feel isolatedDon't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scourI will rubTo find peace of mindThe happy mind I once owned, yeah
Vexing vocabulary runs right through meThe alphabet runs right from A to ZConversations, hesitations in my mindYou got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazyI'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, noI'm just waiting'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so lowWhen you gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sadThe way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to findI've had to dig away to find my own peace of mindI've Never ever had my conscience to fightThe way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel righ
I'll keep searchingDeep within my soulFor all the answersDon't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at easeNeed to be.Free from pain - going insaneMy heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my headThe alphabet runs right from A to Z Conversations, hesitations in my mindYou got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrongI'm just waiting'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so lowWhen ya gonna take me out of this black hole? Never ever have I ever felt so sadThe way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to findI've had to dig away to find my own peace of mindI've Never ever had my conscience to fightThe way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4
You can tell me to my face,You can tell me on the phone, Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe'Cause I really need to know
You can tell me to my faceYou can tell me on the phoneUh, You can write it in a letter, bab'Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter, babeYou can write it in a letter, babe
D E L U G E.
I’m a collection of clash. Every flaw has an equal aptness. A blemish, demise can sniff its own way to rapture amidst thy bedlam. I’m a drapery of some sort…what crosses over, crosses beneath…the beauty is beyond reach. Although I’m virtually a cycle, I heave with firm grit to cast every nook with a gash. From the dreamiest vacuum to the most complicated horizon, I struggle for every throb my heart reckons. I’m another Scorpio who seeks for somebody else’s doom. A rival’s fall is my soul’s drift to nirvana. Solidarity is enthralling yet ungraspable. Serenity is humbug!
CLOSING CYCLES
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your par ents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love, relationships that are broken off, work that is promised. But there is no starting date or decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A HABIT is not a need.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
**STOP BEING WHO YOU WERE, AND CHANGE INTO WHO YOU ARE!!!
In the end, only three things matter, how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE by FIONA APPLES (orig.THE BEATLES)
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva om
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Sounds of laughter shades of love are
Ringing through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, and calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Nothing’s gonna change my world, Nothing’s gonna change my world.
**NOTHING’S GONNA CHANGE MY WORLD. carpe diem!
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LETTING THE CLUTTER GO
It’s depressing. The person you least expect to pull you off the pedestal turns out otherwise, seemingly too uncalled for. And with vague reasons, it hurts more. Considering the unbelievable fact that he betrayed you, even in whatever angle you try to look for an excuse to redeem his spite, there it hurts most. The angst just swells up in your heart and it could not break free all because you would not want to loosen your grip on the happy memories. And on the friendship that you never thought, even in dementia, might just be a part of your past. With all fingers pointed at you, you stand defenseless, there’s no point in convincing them to believe or trust you. They never would anyway. It’s just a matter of letting things be and allowing time, alone, heal whatever it is to be mended.
Much has been said, damage has mounted. Devastation still leaves you hanging and floating in mid air with mouth wide open in disbelief. Shaking your head, you try to let the clutter go but realization hit you awful hard: good things never last indeed. With emptiness overpowering your entirety, all you can afford is a soft, painful sob…
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