THE PLAYGROUND IS PRETTY AT TWILIGHT

Weird. I thought I quickly scrambled all my “writing gear” intact and nice, and nearly stumbled on my chaos-wreck room because it’s a fucking urgent to cast down my doom. But after scratching this puking blue point pen, my brain washed out all the words left on my rusty storage section. Weird. I thought there was a good topic I wanted to splurge on.

Anyway, I’m 21. Life has been treating me well most of my existence. So what am I blabbering about??? LIFE…..

I often wonder what might turn out if I’ll put certain persons on my shoe. Would my life snap them into mad dogs or rocks among the lane? Coz believe me I’m neither of the two choices though somewhat a little bit in between…(huh???)…

Here’s a checklist that jolts me to realization when I am spacing out.

*Boredom can drive me insane, check.

*Rush hours can bake me into a muffin, check.

*And laidback cuties can cream my angst off, check.

*Discos got this cathartic effect on me, yes.

*Same as how books put me in a stupor, almost like a therapy, CHECK.

*I regress when I’m depressed so I tend to sulk in my mom’s room where I find temporary solace but I hastily gain weight, CHECK.

*I have separation anxiety so it’s a major dilemma to me when a person close to my heart leaves all of a sudden or betrays me, SUPER CHECK.

*I love the rain, YES.

*I really know how to read palms, but I need to consult my palmistry book from time to time, CHECK.

*Psychedelic is the best word to describe my aura, CHECK.

*I have my nails at the top of my weekly priorities, CHECK.

*I am a BIATCH, ANYBODY CAN ATEST TO THAT, check.

*It’s a Love me or hate me option, it’s your choice and I won’t sweat it. Nobody can settle in between, CHECK.

*According to one of the psych faculties, I have an anti-social disorder and after reviewing the criteria, I believed her, CHECK.

*I can be so intellectual yet stupid all at the same time, CHECK.

*I am a grammar freak but I tend to be so careless with my own work and I criticize other’s work as if I am perfect, CHECK.

*I wish I can be as successful and accomplished as my sisters, OH CHECK.

*Nowadays, I want to shut the whole world off and just leave, go somewhere else and think things over, CHECK!

*I want an ipod so I can listen to it 24/7 and use it as an excuse to shut the whole world, CHECK.

*Right now? I’m sad, I’m hurting and I am depressed….CHECK.

But where do I side in? God, I envy those who know their Enneagram numbers. I swear I’m caught between numbers 2, 4, 7 and 8. Tricky.

To The Virgins, Make Much Of Time

by Robert Herrick

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today,
To-morrow will be a dying.

The glorius lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost just once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

wide awake and dreaming
by: NIKITA (my childhood bestfriend)

April Showers

The sky cries
For the memory of you
And i dance…
A solitary figure
On the dark, deserted street
Under the streetlamp
Where we shared our last kiss

And i dance
Cold, alone and scared
Silver tears
Stream down my cheeks
As heaven weeps with me

And i dance
The rain catching in my hair
Soaking my soul
With regret, longing
And bittersweet sorrow

And i dance
A possesed marionette
Wet clothes
Clinging to my skin
Broken
As the pain seeps in

“last night i cried myself to sleep for the first time in my entire life. the reasons for why i cried, and there were a lot, felt horrible. and they still do. whenever my mind drifts to them… and now… i feel so empty and numb. and cold.

In some ways i guess i want to concur with most people and say that it rocked. but then i think about all the crap i had to deal with, and the waves of nothingness, and the ironies, and the lost friends, and that horrible feeling of being left behind and meaning nothing or next to nothing…and it just makes me want to retreat into my room and listen to sadness on my radio forever.”

** Ink Polaroid: Asleep She Is Most Beautiful

People are most interesting when they don’t know your looking. When nobody’s watching they let go of themselves. Their inhibitions melt away. And you’re left with the part of them that makes them real.

You’re the epitome of insane. Either you’re very smart, or you’re too damn stupid. The world is your playground, and everything — and everyone — in it is a toy for you to play with. People should be scared of you, but because you’re so affable, they aren’t. Tough for them.

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