INCARCERATION…. help!!!!

VIRGIN SUICIDE

Virgin suicide

what was that she cried?

No use in stayin

on this holocaust ride

she gave me her

cherry.

Shes my virgin suicide

…Midnight passed in silence. Im Blue Moon-ing right now with the stalker voice but the silence here is almost absolute. No multiple orgasmic cats on our rooftops moaning, ehrr, screaming to ecstasy.  This place looks like it was seeped of color akin to a photographs negative.

Lately, I reckon I am losing my chirp. My writing seems unstoppable (although it’s a bit useful to my spasmodic writer’s career and school is about to start, deadlines are quite nearing) and I only inscribe during my drama jags but the thing is, I could not sort out the source. My drama. Or maybe they piled up already that makes it hard for me to figure out the real ordeal. Its scary in a sense that I can associate it to a cartoon-ic episode where black tendrils of smoke creeps under. Am I becoming a queen of darkness? A virgin suicide? Shocks, can’t imagine myself.

But what the hell is eating away at me???? I feel like making a rupture into this life form beyond that cannot be described in words. Amid fitful notes, there is only a captive mirth lodged in the agar of my throat. The carnal angel that I am (or was) might actually turn into an ice goddess generated by the season itself. I rub my eyes in the morning to no avail, not even looking forward for the twilight that I once used to trace my finger with. It’s like I am brandishing a dagger in the miasmic vapors at night while an anvil waits to be dropped. At my window, the worlds light suddenly dimmed. I am exhaling soupy breath, succumbing day by day in an isolated world. Scary. And weird.

Shit, I AM BECOMING WEIRD!!!!

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Anticlamactic Exhibit of a Prozac schoolgirl

I was so caught up with the book I was reading last night (The Virgin Suicide) to the extent that I actually felt goth. So I came up with a short poem that sort of pulls me down and makes me want to jump out of my window to fly and fall and thud, only that the place I was staying at is a bungalow dome. harhar.

Here…..

ANTICLAMACTIC EXHIBIT OF A PROZAC SCHOOLGIRL

                                                              by: Djai the little goth girl (huh?!)

Numinous green light
at the base of this
sanctuary where
weeping peonies
blossomed
and where
valium
clutched
in a red wrist
will soon scatter.

It feels like a
suicide attempt,
only emptier
and more goth.
A translucent image
of sheer prosaicness with
a mascara-bleeding
face.
But only hibernation
shall attune thy
subtle
beauty.
The hope for an
orchid wreath
remains
cladestine,
for there’s much to feed.

Much
to
feed.

****** errr….goosebumps. But it felt genuine. (Note: this is not a suicide note ha!!! I’m too hyper and corny to make an attempt. jejeje)

====================================================================

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by  The Beatles in their "Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band" album is one of their flower-power feel creation with a psychedelic appeal. Lucy sounds like a flower child and I dont know but, I feel like Lucy right now installed with a kaleidoscope eyes and with my head in the clouds. And soon will be gone. Yeah.

LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS
by: The Beatles

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she’s gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmellow pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you’re gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes.

=====================================================================================

*** And here’s something from Rivermaya that I’m crossing my fingers at na

sana

hindi sumikat!!! Dang it, 241 (not 214 ha) from "Between the Stars and Waves" album will most likely hit the no.1 spot in all radio/music Television stations SOOOON and THAT was supposed to be my ultimate secret, private, underground, cladestine love song!!!!! huhuhu… shit kayo. And da fuck, it almost killed me when I heard Heart Evangelista chirply saying in MYX na "it’s my favorite love song today: 241 by Rivermaya!!!" Fuck you, Heart.

HOMECOMING
by: Rivermaya

I get chills every morning
They make me strong
They make me strong

By the lamp by the table
Your clothes are gone
I’m all alone

While the sun is out to play
I look back and i just
Wait for you my love
Until the sun breaks free

I packed my bags for the journey
You said goodbye our last goodbye
When I’m gone will you miss me
I’m not letting go i don’t know

While the sun is out to play
I look back and i just
Wait for you my love
Just wait for you my love
Until the sun breaks free
Lover come home lover come home…

While the sun is out to play
I look back and i just
Say I can’t be wrong
Just say I can’t be wrong
It’s you I want to be with

Lover come home lover come home…

**** you’ll probably appreciate the lyrics more once you hear Rico Blanco’s melancholic voice.  And the cold peeeeyaaanooo. It used to stalk me till I dream…

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Dismal sepia pic in a monday rain…

"now my lips are burning

and my eyes are hurting

from these fumes I make

still I light another cigarette

just to pass my time oh,

heaven knows how embittered I am…"

***the rain has turned grim, locking the sky in steel. Breathing… tasting… breathing… you.

(Yep, believe it or not, that’s me in a t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. I say, I choose to be simple nowadays without the fancy,conucive-to-love-making outfits and THAT, i don’t know why. Maybe I’m starting to pass up the "colegiala" look which I was so accustomed with. Or maybe because I’m starting to get bored with the pa-seductive charm I use to lure guys in my doorstep to coax them to disrobe.That, I don’t know… But the mini skirt shall not perish. Until I menopause, i guess. Yikes! jejeje)

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DA FUCK

Fuck You (An Ode To No One)

By: Smashing Pumpkins

i'm never coming back

i'm never giving in

i'll never be the shine in your spit

i disconnect the act

i disconnect the dots

i disconnect the me in me

and you're mistaken, it's you that's faking

living and breathing and dying too

this message is for anyone who dares to hear a fool

you can't bring me back, you can't bring me back

cause i give it all back to you

thru sacred alleys, the living wrecks

wreak their havoc upon this world

the disenchanted, the romantics,

the body and face and soul of you is gone down that deep black hole

destroy the mind-destroy the body-but you cannot destroy the heart

and you, you make me so i need to disconnect

and you make it so real

i don't need you love to disconnect

to runaround kids in get-go cars

with vaseline afterbirths and neon coughs

galaxies full of nobodies

giving us the farewell runarounds

i took a virgin mary axe to his sweet baby jane, lost my innocence to a no good girl, scratch my

face with anvil hands, and coil my tongue around a bumblebee mouth

and i give it all back to you

no way, i don't need it, i don't need your love to disconnect

and you make it, so real, i don't need your love to disconnect

no way to disconnect

and you make it so real

i don't need your love to disconnect

no way to disconnect

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