STARGIRL

It sucks to lose a person you love. Or when they hurt you with a sudden blow.

Each night, my window framed the moon looking like a lost balloon in the salt-sprinkled sky and each time I wondered, am I really betrayal-worthy? Many times I have been scornfully deceived by those people I cared about and I have done no harm to. Each caused a colossal pain, more of a stab, struck in my chest that hurls my soul captive in disillusionment. And once the trust is ruined, it can never be the same again. But it’s the numbness I grow scared of every time it happens. And there’s nothing to vent it out on but to my canvass and papers that are mostly useless when drama jags and crying fits become the struggle. It’s like, my body would ache to throw tantrums and be hysterical as hell but something in my gut constricts, suppressing my impulse. Where that constriction comes from? No one can answer. Not even me.

Jerry Spinelli once said in his book, "when a Stargirl cries, she does not shed tears but light.."

And I reckoned, I am a Stargirl

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