hayhayhayhayhaaaaaaaaaay

i want to write down every last bit of the things that’s bothering me right now but they are so viscous and such an active batch of thoughts that it has already coagulated and blocked the pores of my brain. there are stuff about my pregnancy of course and as usual, stuff about me missing the old days, my sentiments about christmas and spending it alone, missing my friends and best friends, stuff about the things i want to do but cannot do right now because everything is bawal, about painting and its orgasmic efek on me, things behind my never ending bitterness in life, things that i want to say out loud but i can’t because other people may fuss about it and that’s the least i’m wishing for right now, i miss the local gigs, i miss naga’s crisp december wind, i miss calauag nights of ennui, i miss ina’s rotten bed out there, i miss walking at night, puta basta dakul.

* on wednesday, i’m going to watch ONE MORE CHANCE (mayong magkontra!!). showing na sa gaisano. sorry but i got nothing to do given the painful fact that canvasses and art materials are really expensive so i can’t divert my frustrations to painting all the time because it’s not all the time that the bank book i have an access to is full. so there, it will be movies on wednesday.

* i reallyreallyreallyreallyreally want to smoke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i swear. but i’ll be a criminal if i do that. but it’s cold at night, i have no one to talk to, dylan can be fast asleep by 10 already and decembers itches me to smoke a whole pack eveyday. there’s a lot to ponder on and muse about. really.

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