hey Dylan

Hey Dylan I’m sorry,

mommy can be bad sometimes

but I didn’t mean to be this worse.

we didn’t mean to.

Life’s not been a smooth slide

on the rainbow,

not like how Care Bears do.

 

it’s full of nimbus coulds

suspended ‘bove yer head.

and when they’re pricked,

they pour real hard.

washes you off yer feet.

and flowers,

they only spring in story books.

 

but mommy’s not trying

to ruin your fairytale you

fancy about but mommy’s trying

to say here

why you often catch her cry.

and when you give me that

puzzled, agonizing look hidden

in your Dora eyes, it troubles

me.

troubles me that it makes

me cry harder.

afraid that you’ll hate me

someday.

no, please don’t hate me tomorrow Dylan.

because as complicated as physics

this may sound,

it’s for yer own good, see.

it’s for the sun to beat those

nimbus clouds ‘bove our heads.

*******************************************************************

Dylan and I were just about to go to sleep when she embraced me with all her might that it almost made my eye socket bulge out of my head like one of those you see in cartoons. I asked her why she hugged me so tight but she would not speak a word. Instead, she looked directly in my eyes and at a moment, I thought she was Jean Grey trying to absorb something within me then I could just blow off into ashes. It was like an it’s-ok’everything-will-be-alright hug and it’s as if she was trying to say she understood. My tears automatically rolled down and I sobbed like crazy in front of my sleepy daughter and still, she won’t speak a word. She just stared at me as I burst into tears, reaching for another hug. And when I was finally able to say SORRY, she cried. Heartbreaking would be an understatement if you would be me in that moment. Not that it has only happened once but to see your own daughter, so precious and fragile crying mutely over something that is not about lost toys, bruised knees and cartoons but instead your own problem that ought not be bothering her, is indeed bothering. But right then and there, i know my little girl’s trying to follow on what her little understanding can comprehend. I said sorry almost a hundred times and she hastily wiped every drop of her tears with the end of our blanket and gave me a thousand pack of skittle-kisses. We slept in an unyielding cuddle that night.

Please don’t hate me tomorrow Dylan.

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